homemade super heroes!

“Life is enriched by difficulty; love is made more acute when it requires exertion.” ― Andrew Solomon, Far from the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity

When I think of heroism, it is not a single act, nor is it necessarily an act bathed in praise and recognition. When I think of bravery and character, there are no flapping capes or glistening swords, nor are there epic fights or power struggles. There are simply circumstances of intense adversity, and often deep emotional pain, wherein a person acts out of love instead of fear, overcomes the toughest moments, and comes out stronger on the other side. There are people in the world who do this in major ways, people like the Dalai Lama or even some close personal friends who have been attacked by dishonorable media campaigns, but not all heroic acts have a spotlight. They happen every day, all around us, often unnoticed, but once in a while, a spotlight is just what's necessary to raise us all up a little bit.

I recently met Amber Greenwalt at a convention in Houston, Texas. Actually, I met her at the airport where she recognized me immediately and greeted me with the warmth and enthusiasm of a not-so-distant relative. Her sweetness and positivity were palpable over the weekend too, whether it was visits at my table or the smiling face in the crowd at a panel, I always noticed and enjoyed her joyful presence. At some point over the weekend I learned that on top of being a smart and sweet Basttlestar enthusiast, she was also a mother of three who was facing some incredibly difficult struggles, including a 5-year old with Mitochondrial disease, a rare and (so far) incurable disease with a whole list of heartbreaking side effects. You can read more about her daughter's condition and her progress on the Saving Savannah Facebook page.

Speaking of heroes, Leah Cairns (Racetrack from BSG) is another woman I know with an iron will and infinite resilience when it comes to whatever life might throw at her. So it was no surprise when she emailed me about a joint initiative to help her five-year-old niece, Seattle (who has a similarly debilitating disease) and Savannah get the resources they need to express their true superhero selves. It turns out Seattle and Savannah, though they’ve never met, have a lot in common, and naturally, so do the families who love and support them. Both their stories are truly heartbreaking and inspirational. You can learn about Seattle and her journey on her Facebook page here. I know because after agreeing with ease to help promote their fundraising efforts through social media, I began to feel uneasy that I didn’t know exactly what I was promoting.

It’s painful to watch people struggle, and it’s even more painful to imagine what it would be like if you were in their shoes. It’s easy to think, ‘oh yes, that’s sad,’ and go back to our lives. So I tried to do the not so easy thing, I watched video after video, read articles, and thought about what it might be like to have a child with a life-threatening illness. I laughed, I cried, I thought about how grateful I am for my life, and how grateful I am for theirs, and how grateful I am for our paths intersecting so I could deepen my compassion and sense of what’s important in life. I don’t even claim to have a fraction of an understanding of what it must be like for these little girls and their families, but I do feel like my life is enriched in the attempt. I feel inspired by the will, the strength, the vulnerability and the love I see in Amber, Leah and Lindsay, and I feel hopeful for their efforts to not only improve the quality of their daughters' lives, but of all the lives they touch in the process.

I would encourage you, if you can, to hear their story. If you feel so inclined and are in a position to do so, there are many ways you can help Seattle and Savannah get the funds they need to live the carefree lives any five-year-old should. I don’t typically promote charities, but this is a cause with very real and beautiful results that can only blossom with your help, ones you’ll see in each one of these girls’ smiles. Thank you for your time. And thank you Amber, Leah and Lindsay for your bravery. You are all heroes in my books.

Here's what you can do:

• donate directly to the girls on their gofundme page
• share the above link on your twitter or facebook
• tweet @theellenshow to inspire the Ellen Show to bring Savannah and Seattle together to meet for the first time! what a beautiful christmas gift it would be!
• check out this huffington post article for more info and links
• read about their stories, be inspired + life joyfully!

C'mon, all the cool kids are doing it! Even President Roslyn.

Ps. Stay tuned for a separate campaign so that I, too, can meet these miniature superheroes on The Ellen Show.

this made me think of you!

Receiving a message from a friend saying, “This article made me think of you!” can be a slightly unnerving experience--at least until you find out what it’s about. Sure, they say it’s the thought that counts, but articles include everything from how to diagnose that pesky rash to in depth analyses of psychopaths. I would hope anyone sending an article with such pretense would be mindful of the implications woven within, but you just never know. Have you ever been having a conversation about liars and blurted suddenly, “Oh by the way, how is so-and-so?” Ooops! Let’s hope they didn’t catch the linear trajectory of that one! Anyway, I digress. Just a little dose of Nicki neuroses (nickoses?) before I share this article my friend sent this morning (that reminded her of me). Quite honestly, it’s nothing new, and I’ve even read articles who articulate it more eloquently, but there’s a certain frankness, like it’s coming from a successful relative who sits you down and says, “Look kid, all you gotta do is this. Stop making it so hard for yourself.” And I appreciate that. Hope you do too!

I particularly like this quote, “As Douglas Pagels wrote, ‘Each new day is a blank page in the diary of your life. The secret of success is in turning that diary into the best story you possibly can.’”

Writing for Your Life

Thanks Adrienne!

adam yauch + a humble reminder

Hearing the news of Adam Yauch’s death hit me in an unexpected way today. Seeing a facebook post that read “RIP MCA” led me to investigate and sure enough the twitter and tumblr-sphere were alive with RIP’s and condolences. I would say my fan cred lies in that grey area between die-hard and clueless, probably just like most people within my age demographic. I know all their hits and most serve as anthems for one life phase or other. The Beasties were a staple of suburban teenage-dom and discovering them was a rite of passage for any white kid trying to make amends with their rebellious streak. I remember thinking the music video for “Sabotage” was brilliant because it was a music video but it also pretended to look like a movie (how clever!), and it was campy, self-aware and bad-ass. I think that was the first video my friends and I recreated once we got our grubby little hands on a video camera, donning hipster moustaches before they were a thing. Anyway, having one of your adolescent idols pass away is inevitable and not all that uncommon. I remember the day Kurt Cobain died. I cried, and for months was scribbling “K.C.R.I.P.” on all my notebooks. The sadness and disillusionment with life came with the teenaged territory and we wallowed in our esteemed rockstars’ woes. Meanwhile we saved our lunch money for concert tickets and used our creative energy to make fashion statements out of safety pins and try not to care too much when our purple hair dye washed out and made it look grey.

So what does this have to do with the Beastie Boys and Adam Yauch’s death? The Beasties were different. They were positive and empowered. They were smart and worldly. Admittedly they had their misguided attempts in the world of role-model-dom, but they weren’t famous for their struggles. They were famous for being fucking rad, knowing how to party and having sick rhymes. And just like they didn’t live for their struggles, Adam didn’t die by his. He died from something that can happen to any of us. He died from something that happens to distant relatives and friends from high school’s parents. Or our heroes.

Obviously I’m not the same age as Adam, but sometimes sharing an imagined identity forms a much stronger connection than how long you’ve been alive. I can relate way more with the Beasties and their frame of mind than I can with a lot of people who share my graduation date or who watched the same after-school specials. I feel deeply saddened by his death. I feel humbled by the reality that no amount of external anything - fame, fortune, friendship or fly beats - can keep us from the inevitable. Adam’s death is a reminder of that; that thing we all know, but conveniently avoid as we put things off or fail to tell our fellow humans we love them. I hope he was able to be with the people he loved during his final days, and reflected on his life believing he’d done alright. I truly believe we all do our best, but allowing ourselves to embrace that truth can be the hardest of all. In the end, we all just gotta fight… for our right… well, you know. Peace and love in the next world Adam.

lessons from Atlas Shrugged

I've noticed a bunch of my friends sharing this video today. Atlas Shrugged is one of my favorite books. Check out this cool video made by a fellow fan...

the war of art

Speaking of productivity and tackling those projects that turn from light bulbs to dark clouds over your head over time, I'm reminded of an amazing book I read a couple years ago. In fact, I'm going to take it off my bookshelf and re-read it 'cause it's just that good. A friend recommended it to me and then actually bought it for me when he was visiting NYC. He's a screenwriter and he swears it changed his life. When I lived in LA, I used to have lunch or coffee with him and was always impressed when he said he had to go "work." I was like, what work? To him, this meant spending hours on end in a coffee shop on Beverly and typing away on his laptop. This was, of course, long before he was nominated for several Emmys and a Golden Globe, when he was merely a bit-part actor struggling to get by. It just goes to show how persistence and hard work can go a long way. I'm telling you, this book well help light that fire under your bottom and blow any excuse you come up with to stop out of the water. As if that's not testimony enough, it's divided into short, digestable chapters that are entertaining and highly relatable. Okay, I'm going to stop writing and pick up the book now.

hide and speak

I can't remember when I first learned about Chinese artist Liu Bolin, but I've never been able to forget him... Even though I couldn't really see him... Actually, especially because I couldn't see him. His self-portraits have him blending in with a diverse array of backgrounds, so much so that sometimes passersby don't know he's there until he moves. For me, they evoke sensations of isolation and the harsh reality of how we objectify ourselves and each other. There's something about seeing someone painted like that, like an object, that screams out: you can't hide humanity. I find it so powerful. Not to mention the sheer artistry and dedication it takes to create such pieces. They're absolutely breathtaking, beautiful and unforgettable. Here's a sampling of his photographs and a short video:

failure notice

fail·uren. 1. The condition or fact of not achieving the desired end or ends: the failure of an experiment. 2. One that fails: a failure at one's career. 3. The condition or fact of being insufficient or falling short: a crop failure. 4. A cessation of proper functioning or performance: a power failure. 5. Nonperformance of what is requested or expected; omission: failure to report a change of address. 6. The act or fact of failing to pass a course, test, or assignment. 7. A decline in strength or effectiveness. 8. The act or fact of becoming bankrupt or insolvent.

Ah yes, failure. My dear friend. I didn't know I would see you so soon. But why wouldn't I? You have been with me during so many important moments in my life. When I've ignored you, you've sat by me quietly. When I've been angry with you, you patiently waited for me to come to my senses. Even during my successes, I have spotted you in the back row, reminding me to be humble. You have taught me so many things. Without you, I wouldn't know how to ride a back or tie my shoe. I wouldn't have compassion for the new kid at school. And I definitely wouldn't feel the depth of excitement when I finally got the part. All in all, you've been a loyal friend and I owe you for my success as much as my... ahem... failures.

So, as you may have noticed, I've already not achieved my goal of posting once a week. Rather than justifying, I've decided to write a post every day for a week starting today. I hope it will help train me to write more and, more importantly, share more.

By the way, thank you all for the wonderful comments. I was so inspired by the thoughtful replies to my previous post. Please know that I read them and appreciate them very much!

I thought this inspiring video would be apropos considering the theme of this post. It's a speech given by JK Rowling at the Annual Meeting of the Harvard Alumni Association. Her wise words resonate on both intellectual and spiritual levels. I hope you enjoy!

J.K. Rowling Speaks at Harvard Commencement from Harvard Magazine on Vimeo.

because it's just true

i only picked up this book from the library yesterday (getting books you've put on hold and forgotten about is like christmas!), so i'm not too deep into yet.. still, i can't get this sentiment out of my head. so simple, honest, revealing and true.

“If you can think of times in your life that you’ve treated people with extraordinary decency and love, and pure uninterested concern, just because they were valuable as human beings. The ability to do that with ourselves. To treat ourselves the way we would treat a really good, precious friend. Or a tiny child of ours that we absolutely loved more than life itself. And I think it’s probably possible to achieve that. I think part of the job we’re here for is to learn how to do it. I know that sounds a little pious.”

– David Foster Wallace

Gates as the Gateway to the Soul

“What is art?”  Anyone who’s ever strolled through a contemporary art gallery, witnessed a magnificent sunset, or stood in smiling awe over a child’s first painting has surely asked this question.  Some go to such lengths as writing books or dissertations, teaching courses or giving lectures, but in the end, in my humble opinion, it's beside the point.  I like to think of art as the expression of living – unique and personal to every individual.  Art can be found in the way we eat, the way we walk, the way we sign our names.  Of course, just because something is called art doesn’t mean it is valued as art, that’s a whole other story.  What makes art valuable is beyond my ability to comprehend, and beyond the level of mind boggling-ness I’m willing to withstand. In certain ways I’ve endured a love/hate relationship with art.  I love the idea of it: the creative expression of an experience, an idea, a feeling, and the mastery of a skill for the sole purpose of human expression.  However, my logical mind gets the best of me at times.  Walking through an exhibit at the Tate Modern Gallery in London, my focus was abruptly drawn from my internal spinning color wheel of death (mac users, you know what i’m talking about) by my friend’s gentle voice saying, “Are you alright?  You don’t look so good.”  I was pale.  No matter how hard I tried, I didn’t get it.  I couldn’t get it, because there was nothing “to get.”  This is a hard concept for someone who likes to understand everything, or at least feel like she does.  My friend, an art school graduate, successfully quelled some of my discomfort by teaching me about the movements that inspired the work and their reactionary roots.  I felt better knowing there was some logical basis for its creation, even if I didn’t know what it was, or if it was even true.  Still, I recognize this as a limitation.  Art is about the experience, about feeling, about connection, about seeing oneself in the creation of another.  It’s not about understanding or knowing why.

Last night I watched a beautiful documentary on two convicted and passionate artists who challenged me to revive my inner artist and accept it for what it is: an experience of awe and magnificence.  Christo and Jeanne-Claude are famously known for their controversial works around the world: the umbrellas (in California and Japan 1984-91), wrapped trees (in Switzerland 1997-98), and Pont Neuf wrapped (in Paris 1975-85), to name a few.  They take no money from sponsorships or donations, each (expensive) project is funded completely by the private sale of Christo’s preliminary paintings and sketches of the project to be, as well as previous paintings and works of art.  Their passion has no rational, no explanation, simply that they want to make it.  And they want to make it so badly that the project that was the subject of the documentary spanned nearly 30 years.

The film itself contained incredible 16mm footage of interviews with New York City officials in the 1970’s, meetings with angry citizens, and many a convicted opposition.  Next to Christo’s broken English and bumbling professor-like nature, the opposing arguments felt violent, irrational, and even mean.  Each person’s vested interests were illuminated and exposed (including the artists themselves), often appearing absurd in the face of the simple and undeniable beauty of the proposed project.  What amazed me most, and what still gives me a chuckle when I think about it, is this statement from one of the artists:

"I have unstoppable urge to do this project. The absolutely irrational, irresponsible, with not any justification.  This project is happening only because the artist likes to have them."

And why not?  The installation was up for two weeks, despite the public's pleas for a longer run, and all the materials were recycled, the park left just the way it was before - though perhaps never to be experienced the same way for those who witnessed The Gates.

I personally wasn’t witness to the event in New York City in 2005, but the film presented half an hour of (cut from an apparent 350 hours of footage) of the event.  Children laughed and played, some called it a big worm.  Tourists took photos, described their joy.  Runners and cyclists completed their usual routines, through the glorious gates.  From the myriad points of view, I got a sense of what it was like; I felt feelings of magnificence and wonder, the kind that art is made to conjure.  Beyond my better judgment, I was deeply moved by the orange colored steel gates with fabric flapping in the wind, the gates with no purpose but to exist, no meaning beyond the vision and perseverance of two human beings.

If you want to read more about the controversy surrounding their creation, here are some articles:

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2005/02/11/60minutes/main673489.shtml

http://www.nytimes.com/ref/arts/design/GATES-REF.html

http://www.smithsonianmag.com/arts-culture/christo.html

If you want to find out more about the documentary filmmaker Antonio Ferrera, check him out here:

http://www.ferrerafilms.com/

a flower is worth a 1000 words

I wrote this in the summertime and for some reason never shared it.  But I’d like to share it now: i arrived at my car today to find two little pink flowers pressed delicately into my driver’s side window.  with surprise and curiosity i instinctively searched the empty parking lot for a giggling onlooker.  there was none.  as i casually placed the flowers on my dashboard, i made an index in my head of all the possible culprits, filtering for the most likely... and the most desirable.  as i scanned my brain for potential perpetrators, i realized i may be missing the point: someone in my life thought enough about me in a single moment to pick a flower and place it in my sight, for me to smile and reflect upon.  presumably, he or she imagined what i would experience upon such an encounter and was generous enough to want create that experience for me.  i was uniquely moved by this anonymous act of caring; as well i enjoyed my own projection of being the one to carry out such a covert operation.  whether the person did it impulsively, strategically or by accident (my care is pretty generic), i am grateful for the thoughts and feelings it inspired.  i began to reflect on what it means to ben in someone’s life, in his or her experience of existence.  it is quite an honor and should be treasured as such.  we are momentously more potent than we believe or could even begin to understand; and in those moments of awe and connection, we have an opportunity to create a better world.  i suppose i wanted to share to emphasize the importance of every choice we make, anonymous or otherwise, and how awareness can be infectious if we only took the time.  after all, how we treat others is the way we treat ourselves and since ultimately we’re all we have, why not be nice?

comic-con-versation

finally home from some exciting travels, i realize it's a little late for a comic-con wrap up, but a brief one you shall receive nonetheless.  there were several highlights amidst the chaotic explosion of genuine fandom, sundance-esque celebrity hype, and thinly veiled car salesman-like consumerism.  as per usual, connecting with my beloved castmates was the bestest, but i would be remiss if i didn't express the honor, astonishment and pure love i felt watching the Battlestar Orchestra perform at the House of Blues Friday night.  i've always emphasized the integral role music plays in backing the emotional fortitude of a story, but it's often taken for granted.  engrossed in a characters' strife and struggle, seldom do we step outside to say, "wow, what an incredible score."  not only did the live performance provide such an opportunity, but it brought life this otherwise mysterious side of the production process.  what moved me most was witnessing the relentless and beautiful life force driving each instrument, each person's essence expressed through his or her contribution to the greater experience.  it was wonderful.  however, between the smiles there were also tears, as we paid tribute and celebrated the life of Harvey Frand.  i don't believe this is the place to share my personal feelings on his passing, but i will say he is in our hearts and will forever be an essential part of the battlestar family.  i was grateful we could all be together to celebrate his life and how he enriched each of ours. Visit bear mccreary's blog for an awesome account of the whole weekend's festivities and shows.

other highlights included hanging with matt pizzolo and the rest of the Halo-8 crew doing Godkiller signings and other fun shenanigans, complimenting someone on her "cally" costume to which she replied, "thank you" and kept on walking, and watching Michelle Forbes watch the Mighty Boosh - i can't say i fully understand or appreciate their humor, but watching the pure delight she derived from their performance made it all worthwhile.

rescue me

part of what inspired the thoughts and meanderings contained in the previous post was my seeing the film rescue dawn last night.  werner herzog has never failed to arouse reverence and admiration, but this film is uniquely exceptional.  recounting the struggle and tireless exertion of will of US Navy Pilot Dieter Dengler after his plane is shot down in the Laotian jungle, his story becomes more than a hero's tale, more than one's fight for survival, it's the ultimate example of how one man can push the boundaries of being human, live to tell about it, and experience the joy in what it means to do so.  i don't want to give anything away, but all i can say is i haven't been so deeply moved by a film since, well, since la vie en rose i suppose, but it's right up there with the elephant man or dead man walking. i highly recommend seeing it, especially in the theater if you can.

Rescue Dawn

in the stars

i'm not sure if anyone can relate to this, but sometimes i feel like getting up in the morning is like confronting mount everest - i used to compare this feeling to being covered by the x-ray blanket at the dentist; or sometimes i simply question my direction and the choices i've made in my life so far.  you with me?  and while i think introspection is important and imperative to the evolution of humanity, I think it's a fine line between mindful contemplation and living in the past...  but then i'll have an experience that changes my perception of everything.  if i subscribed to astrological beliefs, i would say the stars are aligned in these moments.  such experiences come in all forms - having a chance encounter with an old friend; reading a book that feels as if it were written to me, for me and only me; absorbing an awe inspiring view of the ocean; having an accident that provokes an evaluation of priorities; watching a film that challenges my beliefs about the world; witnessing the struggle of another and the will exerted in pushing through adversity...  these are but a few examples of things that inspire me. as often as i can, i seek to see and understand the essence of everything that exists in my world.  i think part of understanding ourselves is considering our environment and how we relate to every little detail.  i also believe it is possible to find beauty and magnificence in even the most seemingly benign image, object or act.  and then there are times when i am completely caught off guard by what moves me.  it could the innocence i see in a small boy walking self-consciously, hands shoved in pockets, imitating an oblivious father.  it could be the generosity of a stranger offering their spot in the grocery line, or the humility i feel when i stub my own toe.  it is my impression that it is these simple things that we often overlook that can give us the most insight into what it means to be human.  one such experience occurred recently as i was reading through my fan mail.  [on a side note i would like to apologize to those whose mail i have not yet responded to, i know there are many - i have been occupied with myriad travels and work commitments, but i assure you that your letters are read and greatly appreciated.]  i'm not sure whether it was the accumulation of the correspondence or something about the particular letter i was reading, but i felt a shock of recognition of how we participate in each other's lives to such an explicit degree, and often without any awareness of it.  it's incredible to me that i can do what i love to do and have an impact that reaches across countries, cultures and social demographics.  it's something i've been thinking about a lot lately and part of the reason why it's important to me to express the intricacy of my values and not just those you see on tv.

"A wider of more altruistic attitude is very relevant in today's world.  If we look at the situation from various angles, such as the complexity and inter-connectedness of the nature of modern existence, then we will gradually notice a change in our outlook, so that when we say 'others' and when we think of others, we will no longer dismiss them as something that is irrelevant to us.  We will no longer feel indifferent."— from The Dalai Lama's Book of Wisdom

hello hola bonjour ciao namaste ni hao

hello there and welcome to my blog...  don't worry, there's no need to stage an intervention... yet, but i am enjoying the process.  i suppose when my voicemail says "just read my blog already!" then there may be cause for concern.  so i'll try to keep it under control, to a degree of course.  too much control can be no fun. the existence of this blog is due in part to the inspiration of friends, my desire to express and communicate my thoughts and curiosities, and a tribute to those who have supported my efforts and exploration over the years.  hope you enjoy!