OH MY GODS! THEY KILLED CALLY!

You know those ideas that buzz around your brain like an annoying mosquito in the middle of the night? Well I finally swatted one of those pesky lil' buggers and made some cool t-shirts. I'm bringing the first batch to New York Comic-Con this weekend, then I'll have them available to order on my site. Thanks to my friend Adrienne for making the graphic and to the handful of friends who actually laughed when I shared the idea. Pay no mind to the unimpressed expressions on the models' faces, these shirts are guaranteed to make you smile like a mentos commercial :)

I like bunnies!!! Oh, and the Nicki Clyne Fan 'Zine is out!

Okay, I'm just gonna be completely honest. I'm not a salesperson. I've never been good at it. I know it's a skill you can build, but I just haven't yet. When I was in school and we sold chocolates to raise money for camp, my family was eating Mint Meltaways^® for months. It's probably related to some fear of rejection, or failure, or that time I got in trouble for selling pot-pourri which was essentially rose petals sprayed with my mom's expensive perfume. Conveniently, those feelings are soothed with the sweet, velvety taste of chocolate and mint melting like butter in your mouth... Anyway, that was the past, and now I have something way cooler than cheap-ass fundraising chocolates. It's a collaboration between three amazingly awesome and talented people (yes, I'm including myself in that statement - awkward, right?). I'm calling it the Nicki Clyne Fan 'Zine, but it's just as much about the fans as it is about me. It's a tribute to the fan community and a nostalgic reference to "fan zines" of the past. There will only be a limited number ever in existence. So even if it's not exciting to you now, maybe one day you can sell it and pay for your kid's camp tuition (or at least a box of their chocolates).

I'm very excited to share this project, it was a really neat creative process. Pedro's art is truly amazing, I think he really captured a certain Nicki-ness in is drawings. (Either that or I look A LOT like a cartoon in real life. You decide.) And even though I know I'm awesome regardless (my mom says so), I really hope you like it too :). Click here to get  your copy today! (shipping included.)

My I-Con Reunion

I often remember my mom saying to me, “It doesn’t matter so much where you go, it’s who you’re with that counts.” I think at certain times I mistook this advice for her trying to prevent me from going places I wanted to go (probably with people who weren’t necessarily the best influence), but as I get older and add more places to my travel log, I realize there’s a grain of truth in her words; maybe even a very large grain. It’s not the places I’ve seen that stick in my mind so much as the jokes I’ve shared, the questions I’ve asked, or been asked, and the stories I’ve heard about people and places I can only imagine. Case in point, I’ve been to a lot of conventions in my veteran years as a sci-fi tv star. I’ve visited different countries, stayed in fancy hotels, not-so-fancy hotels, eaten great food, eaten frozen dinners, you name it. And while all of those things are interesting and certainly entertaining at times, what impresses me most is always the people. The reason I returned to I-CON last weekend, having attended it only two years prior, was exactly this: the people. I had such an incredible time, both with the other actors and the staff, it was kind of a no brainer when they asked me to return. The word that came to mind when I thought about what was different at this convention than many of the others was “community.” The word that comes to mind after attending the con for the second time, is “family.” And not just because I refer to the media chair as “Ma” and spent the whole weekend with one of her eight children whom I care for like a little sister (even though she spent most of her time taking care of me). No, not only because of those things. It also feels like family because despite all the chaotic events and activities and the massive amount of man power and organizing that must have gone into the event, everyone there seemed to be enjoying themselves. Like a high-stress holiday dinner, people coming and going, gears grinding, sparks flying, people were still smiling and having a good time. They still cared about being there rather than just getting the job done. In a world, and often an industry, where product trumps people, it’s refreshing to remember what’s at the heart of all this madness. The sci-fi community never ceases to be a good example of keeping this principle real.

Anyway, I’m keeping this short and sweet, but thanks for the good times everyone at I-Con. Hope to come back again soon!

the hazards of riding a yoshi

Every time I think of I-CON 28 (a convention I attended exactly two years ago, and am revisiting this weekend), I literally laugh out loud. This is because one particular event sticks in my mind and, kinda like farting in public, the joke just never gets old. Doesn't matter if I'm by myself or reminded by someone who witnessed it, I just can't get over the absurdity and hilarity that ensued the night of the costume contest. Let me set the stage... There was a kid who had been walking around the convention carrying a sign saying "Free Yoshi Rides." Appropriately, he was dressed like the friendly dinosaur from Mario Bros. Being the adventurer I am, I decided to take him up on his offer. As soon as I got on his back, I realized we had not discussed the rules of engagement and I had no idea where he was taking me nor for how long. I suddenly felt very vulnerable, but figured, what's the worst that can happen? After a few awkward minutes of skipping around a school gymnasium, he dropped me back off at my table and we all had a good laugh. He proceeded to make a mark on the back of his sign, apparently tallying his Yoshi ride totals. (Should I have felt used? Nevermind.)

So that night, as he would, Yoshi entered the costume contest. Each contestant did a little presentation or routine in the middle of the circle and some of the other guests and I were there to judge the best costumes. Simple right? Well, it was all fun and games until Yoshi backed right into me, not-so-subtly gesturing for me to enjoy and encore presentation of my Yoshi ride. What's a girl to do? I couldn't say no in front of everyone. So I hopped on and this is what happened... (Make sure you scroll to the end for the best part.)

Okay, wanna know what the best part was? After he dusted himself off and asked me if I was okay, he looked me square in the eyes, shrugged his shoulders and innocently proclaimed, "Game Over!"

Classic.

(Special thanks to Tory Belleci from Myth Busters for the ongoing moral support and spontaneous laugh attacks.)

rest in peace

Throughout my life, I've had a lot of experience with good old-fashioned road trips. My mom grew up in a quaint little ski town about ten hours outside of Vancouver. Every holiday we’d pack our sedan with blankets, pillows, snacks and game boys, and cruise from morning ‘til night. These days, the distances I travel are much shorter, but they usually involve at least a few hours of driving on the highway. During these excursions, I’ve become increasingly familiar with the rest stops along the way—the particular restaurants or gift shops they host, the cleanliness or convenience of the bathrooms, even some of the people who work at them. I used to consider these mandatory interruptions a major inconvenience, but I’ve since come to appreciate the humanity inherent in these iconic landmarks of the modern age. First of all, they don’t discriminate. Whether you’re traveling by limousine, pick-up truck, or semi trailer, chances are you’re going to have to use the facilities at some point in your travels. (If not, I’m afraid to ask the alternative.) Our most basic needs are exposed in a way we usually try to deny or just plain ignore. In order to survive, we all need food, water, and a way to dispose of these substances once they’ve been processed. It uncovers certain unifying qualities of the human experience, qualities we tend to want to overlook, especially in a culture driven by convenience and consumption. But after you’ve been driving in a car for hours, a cemetery of coffee cups and water bottles littering the floor, a rest stop is a saving grace like no other. I might even be so bold as to call this a universal human experience: Next rest stop—two miles. YES!

A rest stop is a place where every single patron shares a common bond—every single person has a destination and where they are in that moment is not it. There’s a transient quality that is neither masked nor mourned. Everyone is en route, stopping only momentarily to rest, refuel or relieve oneself. There is no pretense, no posturing, the mission is simple and we’re all in it together. At least that’s how I feel when I give a knowing nod to the woman in the bathroom mirror before continuing on my merry way. It’s like being part of a community with no solid identity, only the communal value of getting somewhere else, comfortably.

I wouldn’t be surprised if one day we have drive-through rest stops, some way we could complete our bodily chores without even exiting our vehicles. Yes, the image it evokes is slightly grotesque, but surely stranger things have been invented, and accepted. But if it were that way, I think I would miss the connection that happens when you share a sink with a fellow traveler, resigned to the reality of your travel rituals and relishing in the opportunity to stretch your legs and get a fresh cup of coffee. It can be a welcome relief from the isolating act of driving, a reminder that a world exists beyond your driver’s seat view.

I suppose the objectification of the rest stop experience is an easy metaphor. We’re continuously finding ways to make things more streamlined, more efficient and less effort. But is this necessarily good? I drove back from Comic-Con a couple years ago with Edward James Olmos and Michael Hogan. Naturally, we had to stop at a gas station to fuel up and, you know, do the opposite of that. There was one dingy bathroom around the back of the store. I waited in the small line, a couple people in front of me and a few behind—children twisted around the railing as their parents straightened in a bored summer haze—but when Eddie came out of the bathroom, I could feel their eyes get bigger. One person recognized him, nudging the other, and so on...

By the time we pulled out of the gas station, I could see a few heads peering around the wall, pointing in curiosity and awe. Now, this would probably appear benign to most people, probably even to Eddie himself, but I can’t help but feel it’s important. It’s important to embrace our human qualities, share our common struggles and not try to avoid these experiences that make us uniquely human—and part of the greatest emergent property of all: humanity. So whenever you’re at a rest stop, whether literally or metaphorically, try to embrace that experience, maybe even enjoy it; after all, the world would be a pretty shitty place without it. ;)

(i'm glad) some things never change

I've always loved looking at photos of my friends when they were wee little munchkins. Last year for my birthday, I asked my friends to bring along their favorite kid pictures to my party and it was even more fun than I imagined. My favorite part (besides the typically awesome fashion) is noticing the subtle qualities and attributes that are so uniquely “them;" that even twenty or thirty, or forty, years later, they still curl their lip on one side or squint that one eye, or have that expression as if they're waiting for mom to say it's okay to dig in to dessert. You know, those indescribable nuances that allow you to recognize them in a crowd or at a great distance—the way they walk, the way they slouch, they way they flick their hair (even if they no longer have any). There’s a certain innocence to existence I think we often forget, or mistakenly think we lose. We all start out as these little lumps of flesh and love, and then we grow up, and somehow we believe we’re supposed to know stuff, have stuff, do stuff... But deep down, we’re that same little child who stared in awe out the car window, endlessly fascinated with every movement, every smell, every sound. This, I believe, is our nature—this curiosity and joyfulness. I love that photos from our past can be a reminder of that. I was inspired to write about this because I discovered an amazing photo project by Irina Werning. She's been recreating people’s childhood photos at their current age. This is what she says about it:

"I love old photos. I admit being a nosey photographer. As soon as I step into someone else’s house, I start sniffing for them. Most of us are fascinated by their retro look but to me, it’s imagining how people would feel and look like if they were to reenact them today... A few months ago, I decided to actually do this. So, with my camera, I started inviting people to go back to their future."

Quite literally, she takes my fascination to a whole new level. Check them out, I’m sure you’ll love them. Here are a few of my favorites...

Happy Valentine's Day Mom!

This may seem strange, but my fondest memories associated with Valentine's Day are the treats and cards my mom used to give me on this otherwise benign and commercial holiday. She'd send me to school with a brown paper bag filled with goodies like chocolate covered almonds (my favorite) and a hand-written post-it note. I guess she never really stopped, just this morning she sent me a text saying "Good morning angel...happy valentine's day! I love you to the sky...lynda says hi:-*" (Lynda is her long-time friend visiting from out of town.) My mom is a really loving and caring person and has always made holidays a special occasion worth celebrating. So while I don't really buy into the greeting card mania or obligatory celebrations, I'm happy my mom made these days a little extra special, especially because now they make me think of her and how proud I am to be her daughter. Happy Valentine's Day Mom!!!

the first rule of being vegan

I don't exactly walk around preaching veganism, or making a big deal about it. If it comes up over a meal, so be it, and I'm more than happy to answer questions about my choices or things I've learned in the process. I've had some interesting experiences as a result - people reacting funny or connecting with other vegans - but ultimately it's taught me a lot about mindfulness. We all eventually come to realize that life doesn't come with a rule book (D'oh!). Most of us write our own or spend our lives searching for some philosophy we can stomach. Still, rules don't generally jive with the ebb and flow of life. Life is dynamic; rules are rigid and static. So while I set certain ethical guidelines for myself to follow, it takes constant evaluation and consideration to know if what I'm doing is best. And in the end, you never really know, you can just guess and hope that not too much harm was done in the creation of your grand experiment.

When people challenge me on my dietary boundaries, I encourage it with curiosity. Is honey vegan? I don't know. Most people would say no, but I don't have any data to support cruelty to bees (it's what they do, no? make honey?) or that it's bad for the environment or that the industry is corrupt. If I learned about some horrible part of the honey-making process, I'd stop eating it. The point isn't to make yourself a slave, or a victim. The point is to make decisions in your life that uphold what's important to you and that help you fall asleep at night with a smile on your face.

The reason I'm talking about being vegan is because it's something pretty common that I think is often misunderstood. I feel like it exemplifies an oversimplification of ethics that is so prevalent in our culture. People deem things "good" or "bad" with no evaluation, and then they build up a bunch of fears and rules around it. Choosing to not eat animal products is a step in the right direction, sure, but it by no means makes you an ethical or "good" person. I've seen animal activists act extremely violently and even, sadly, destroy their own message through their anti-humanitarian behavior.

In veganism, as in life, things aren't black or white. There are always questions and considerations and my hope is that these continue on beyond the adoption of some trendy label. In promoting veganism, I would like to promote thinking and evaluation above any sort of special treatment of animals. Because I believe if we thought more, considered more, and connected to our true nature and values, we would treat animals better anyway. I mean, why not?

So... the first rule of being vegan? Don't make it a rule.

the war of art

Speaking of productivity and tackling those projects that turn from light bulbs to dark clouds over your head over time, I'm reminded of an amazing book I read a couple years ago. In fact, I'm going to take it off my bookshelf and re-read it 'cause it's just that good. A friend recommended it to me and then actually bought it for me when he was visiting NYC. He's a screenwriter and he swears it changed his life. When I lived in LA, I used to have lunch or coffee with him and was always impressed when he said he had to go "work." I was like, what work? To him, this meant spending hours on end in a coffee shop on Beverly and typing away on his laptop. This was, of course, long before he was nominated for several Emmys and a Golden Globe, when he was merely a bit-part actor struggling to get by. It just goes to show how persistence and hard work can go a long way. I'm telling you, this book well help light that fire under your bottom and blow any excuse you come up with to stop out of the water. As if that's not testimony enough, it's divided into short, digestable chapters that are entertaining and highly relatable. Okay, I'm going to stop writing and pick up the book now.

ready, set, do shit!

Do you have things on your "to do" list that carry over from week to week? Little things, like calling so-and-so, putting away the Christmas decorations or just plain old cleaning the house? I've been noticing a lot how these things seem to nag at me and probably take more of my mental energy than it would take to just do it. We're a funny species that way, not always the most logical, but we'll do just about anything to justify our comfort. So tonight I did a little experiment where I made consequences for myself if I didn't finish what I started. I also timed myself to see how long it really takes to do certain tasks. As expected, I was astonished (I know it doesn't make sense to expect to be astonished, but whatever) it took me less than twenty minutes to put away all the clothes that have been piling up for weeks. It's pretty clear that as smart as we are, we don't often use this intellect to our utmost advantage. Sometimes we need to play tricks with ourselves to get the stuff done that we don't find the most favorable. Does anyone else have tricks they use to keep themselves in check and their life in order? Would love to know!

freedom for sale (pt. 1)

As you are likely well aware, I think a lot about a lot of things—mostly benign, inconsequential things, but in the end, don’t all our experiences play an equal part in shaping what we call existence?  I was sucked down the rabbit hole once again on a recent trip to the gym.  I don’t know if they have this at many gyms, but shortly upon entering there is a table with a small basket on it.  If you look inside this basket, you will find a uniform pattern of metal, plastic, leather, and possibly something furry – otherwise known as: a pile of keys.  On a busy day, the pile will overflow onto the table and resemble the entrance of one of the parties, you know, with the keys, and the husbands, and the wives...  Anyway, the first time I saw this, I remember thinking, “Wow, anyone could just take someone’s keys and take off,” to which I was immediately horrified at my own assumptions and projections about people.  I then proceeded to logically evaluate the situation.  If someone is a member of the gym and goes there to work out, it’s highly unlikely they happen to be a car thief planning on pumping some iron before taking off in someone’s Range Rover.  Also, this particular gym is located in a fairly well off suburban area, where I often leave my keys in my car when I run into a store and almost always leave it unlocked.  Then I began to think a bit deeper about what it means to have a key basket based on the very real fact that someone could take someone’s car keys and with a small amount of work, could even have access to their home.  When I think about the generous collection of keys at my gym, I feel excited and hopeful.  For me, it signifies trust.  For some, it may just be convenient.  But even though I used to just carry my keys in my pocket, I now make a point of putting them in the basket* on account of what it represents. *Since the time this was written, I'm sad to report the key basket has been removed. I didn't ask why, but I'm going to make a point of doing so. To be continued...

failure notice

fail·uren. 1. The condition or fact of not achieving the desired end or ends: the failure of an experiment. 2. One that fails: a failure at one's career. 3. The condition or fact of being insufficient or falling short: a crop failure. 4. A cessation of proper functioning or performance: a power failure. 5. Nonperformance of what is requested or expected; omission: failure to report a change of address. 6. The act or fact of failing to pass a course, test, or assignment. 7. A decline in strength or effectiveness. 8. The act or fact of becoming bankrupt or insolvent.

Ah yes, failure. My dear friend. I didn't know I would see you so soon. But why wouldn't I? You have been with me during so many important moments in my life. When I've ignored you, you've sat by me quietly. When I've been angry with you, you patiently waited for me to come to my senses. Even during my successes, I have spotted you in the back row, reminding me to be humble. You have taught me so many things. Without you, I wouldn't know how to ride a back or tie my shoe. I wouldn't have compassion for the new kid at school. And I definitely wouldn't feel the depth of excitement when I finally got the part. All in all, you've been a loyal friend and I owe you for my success as much as my... ahem... failures.

So, as you may have noticed, I've already not achieved my goal of posting once a week. Rather than justifying, I've decided to write a post every day for a week starting today. I hope it will help train me to write more and, more importantly, share more.

By the way, thank you all for the wonderful comments. I was so inspired by the thoughtful replies to my previous post. Please know that I read them and appreciate them very much!

I thought this inspiring video would be apropos considering the theme of this post. It's a speech given by JK Rowling at the Annual Meeting of the Harvard Alumni Association. Her wise words resonate on both intellectual and spiritual levels. I hope you enjoy!

J.K. Rowling Speaks at Harvard Commencement from Harvard Magazine on Vimeo.

New Year Happy Yay!

I’ve never been one to blindly follow convention. In fact, more often than not, I find myself defying it... blindly. So this year, rather than launch into some logic-driven diatribe about how New Year’s is a mere construction and people should view every day as an opportunity to evaluate their lives, make goals and take stock of the important things in life, I decided to take a step back and make New Year’s meaningful for myself... just like everyone else. Which brings me to my first resolution: See myself more in others:

Rather than focus on ways I’m different than other people, I want to embrace the things we have in common. I think it’s a natural part of growing up to identify oneself first by who one is NOT, before discovering who one is, but sometimes we don’t shake the habit without a concerted effort. I often find myself wanting to be different, or judging others for the things I don’t accept in myself, and besides being utterly dishonest, it’s just frickin’ exhausting. At the end of the day, we’re all human beings. We’re all looking for joy, love and a sense of purpose. Some people have seen more or done more than others. Some have achieved more, traveled more, partied more, earned more. Some have lost more, cried more, suffered more, loved more. But underneath all those qualities and external markers, there is an experience that is uniquely human, and that is something we all share. This year I want to celebrate that experience and accept everything that comes with it--both in myself and others.

In a way, the rest of my resolutions are a subset of the first... Kind of the measurable practices I can do to achieve a deeper sense of human being-ness.

Make exercise a habit:

Big surprise, right? But there’s more to it than just the physical gain (or loss, as it were). Just as I defy my “commonness,” I also struggle with routine, and while I can get away with quick spurts of inspiration every now and then, true growth and achievement requires persistence. Physical goals are great in this regard because they’re so measurable - probably another reason I avoid them so much. I’m going to start by walking every day, even if it’s just a little, and work my way up to running a race. As it stands, I hate running, but I think what I hate more than actually running is that I suck at it. So here’s to physical fitness! And doing things even if you suck!

Write more:

For several months now I’ve been writing for at least fifteen minutes a day. It’s been great in forming the habit, but I want to develop a more refined practice and work on substantial pieces that I can publish, either on my blog or in magazines. I’ve said it before, but I really want my blog to reflect not just what I think and feel, but how I evolve. Weekly posts will be my first goal. Questions and topics of interest welcome.

“Phone a friend” more:

I’m a bad friend, I’ll admit it. Not because I don’t show up if someone needs me, but because I don’t show up when they don’t. I’ve always found it easy to meet people and make friends, but proactively pursuing a relationship with someone is not something I’ve practiced. Just like my physical fitness, I’ve taken my friendships for granted and not put in the time and effort to build the relationships I want. This year I want to be a more active friend. I know a lot of people in a lot of places and sometimes just a quick email or phone call can mean the world to someone; I know it can for me. It's never that I don't care, in some ways it's just the opposite. I let my fears get in the way of reaching out, when in times of struggle, that's exactly what I need to do the most. So watch out friends, new and old, I'm coming for ya!

Learn some shit:

Like with running, I have an allergy to doing things I don’t feel mildly competent in. This worked fine when I was a teenager because I was pretty talented and it allowed my to try lots of different things, but those talents don’t evolve unless you push past the discomfort of failing. As an adult, being able to kickflip or play Nirvana songs on the guitar aren’t going to get me very far. So this year I’m going to do something I’ve pretty much never done: practice. I have a few areas of interest--guitar, spanish, design, dance--but the important part is the act of practicing. Daily. Something. Anything.

I think that about covers it. I hope that by this time next year I can look back on my current self and shake my head at my ignorance... with compassion of course.

I wish all of you a year of kindness, compassion, failure and growth! :-)

and then there was comic-con

After my laid back Montreal getaway, I knew I was in for a bit of a transition leading up to the New York Comic-Con. Still, I don't think I could have been prepared for the mosh pit of candy-colored cosplay craziness that awaited me at the Javits Center. Don't get me wrong, I love a good mosh pit (I grew up in the nineties after all), especially when everyone's sweet and smiling and friendly... okay fine, I guess that doesn't really qualify as a mosh pit, but I can honestly say there was a certain air of humanity that seems to have lacked at other large conventions I've been to *cough* San Diego Comic-Con *cough*. Because I decided to go pretty last minute, most people weren't expecting me, so I got a lot of people doing double takes as they walked by my booth. This either resulted in them blushing, pointing and walking away, or actually coming over and talking to me. The latter is always a preferable response, but I always wondered how the monkeys in the zoo felt, so there you have it. It was actually just busy enough that there was a steady flow of people, with time for breaks and photos ops, but not so crazy that I couldn't stop and chat with people. It's nice to find that balance and not have to rush through the day. I feel like if I were a fan, I would value the experience of getting the autograph just as much as the signature I walk away with. Sorta like how looking at someone else's photo album isn't quite as exciting as seeing your own; because when you look at your own you have all the feelings and visceras associated with the memories and you can access them through the photograph. I'm not so vain to think anyone would want to relive an interaction with me over and over, but I know how I've felt meeting people I admire, and it can be pretty cool.

It never ceases to be humbling hearing people's stories about how the show has affected them. Battlestar is almost like a disease, where everyone has their own unique story of how they contracted it, how they've lived with it, how it changed their life in some way, and what it's like for them now that it's over. Some people caught a milder version of the epidemic, while others are still down for the count. It's not always easy to understand the weight of something when you're involved in the creation of it. The cook at a restaurant probably can't quite enjoy his meal the same as a customer can. Not that either way is better, but it's different, so I appreciate hearing people's stories and gaining a deeper understanding of my own experience through them.

I thought the panel at NYCC was pretty well done. It can be a little awkward when the set up is so formal because you don't know who's going to talk and for how long and you don't want to interrupt, or drag on, or get a picture taken of you with a water bottle in your face. Despite the elements, though, I thought it was really fun. It was great to catch up a little with Katee and Tricia, and I fall ever more in love with Michelle the more we spend time together. I was actually quite content to let her to do most of the talking. Here are a few shots my friends were kind enough to snap from the audience:

I'm always too busy, and admittedly a little overwhelmed, to take many pictures at conventions, but I usually come home kicking myself wishing I had. Thankfully with the magic of the internet, there are lots of great pictures online of the event, I strongly suggest checking them out.

We also had a pretty successful run promoting Godkiller. The director, Matt Pizzolo, and I did a quick signing at the Graphic.ly booth (whom they've recently partnered with) and introduced the film to a bunch of people. I'll probably be releasing some signed copies through my website, so stay tuned if you haven't checked it out already.

Thank you to everyone who came out, it was such a blast! 'Til next time gadget!

montreal, je t'aime

All of a sudden I have a whole bunch of things I want to write about, but it wouldn't be right if I didn't catch up on my convention escapades first... I actually wrote about my trip to Montreal on my way to the NY Comic Con, so here it goes: Time for another convention download! I better hurry or I’m going to crash my hard drive - my brain’s hard drive that is - as I’m headed to another convention this weekend... I had a great time in Montreal. The convention was quaint and community oriented; in other words, very small. It's always nice, though, because you get to have closer interactions with the fans and overall it’s just more relaxed. Like most small conventions, it seemed the people shared a history and the convention served as a reunion of sorts. I enjoyed the dysfunctional-family-dinner feel and felt very much welcomed by everyone there. Fortunately, I wasn't forced to unleash my neglected French, though I did escape a few tourists asking for directions with a convincing, "Je ne sais pas." But anyway, since my time spent at the actual con didn't go beyond my two Q & A's and a few hours signing, I had the luxury of wandering around Montreal, checking out some live music, taking a yoga class and eating at some awesome vegan restaurants. Here are some random photos of my trip.

Other discoveries I made in Montreal include:

• Diamond Rings (walked into a performance randomly and have been smitten ever since. his new album came out today! yay!) http://diamondringsmusic.com/
• Aux Vivres (excellent vegan fare and fun atmosphere) http://www.auxvivres.com
• Bixi bikes (worked off the vegan chili with a little cruise around town on a rental bike. a little intimidating in traffic, but totally worth it. i hope the rest of the world catches on soon) http://www.bixi.com
• No right turns on a red light! Say whaaaaat?

this blog is a lonely hunter

It's interesting to me how my feelings towards blogging change, transform, evolve and sometimes hide in the attic for extended periods of time. It's not that I don't think about it, I do, but like an owed phone call to a distant relative, the more time that goes by, the harder it gets. The spontaneous spurts of daily inspiration don't seem heavy enough to warrant a comeback, but I rarely sit down to channel the deeper workings of my psyche into something I hope will be interesting and meaningful to others. Rational or not, I realize it's beside the point - the value rests just as much in my experience writing as it does in any feedback I receive, and it's only when I commit myself to the former that I find any satisfaction in the latter. Along  the way, I've learned a lot about the power of the written word, often reaching people in ways I never expected. This definitely inspires me the most, and is perhaps also why I struggle the most. What started as an innocent attempt to feel I had something important to say, has lead to a deeper questioning of what I actually want to say and why; sometimes the answers are easy, sometimes not, but always seem to lead to more questions. Still, underneath the doubts and rationalizations is a genuine desire to connect with the rest of the world, to share the stories I hope are relatable and inspirational, building my own sense of knowledge and wisdom in the process. Often I don't even know the moral of a story until I write it. The action itself helps me tap into something other than myself, finding lessons in even the most seemingly benign occasions. Since nothing is meaningful unto itself, it's our experience, beliefs, filters and values that make it, so I learn a lot in the process. What is meaningful to me and why? Ultimately, these questions are what I hope to inspire in others.

Well it seems I've written a perfectly self-referential post, a regular Cervantes, Charlie Kaufman or, let's face it, Mel Brooks. In any case, I'm happy to be writing again. How is everyone? See any good movies? Read any good books? Have any profound realizations in the bathtub?

Cyphan-tastic!

A week has already come and gone, but I’m still all smiles when I think about my recent trip to Chicago for Cyphan. Such an excited and welcome bunch, and a really well organized convention all round. I’m pretty sure everyone in attendance came away with some fond memories, some new friends and probably some fun new toys. I didn’t get a chance to look around too much, but the dealers room had some really neat things - I even borrowed some steampunk goggles from Julie (she'd bought them for her son, hope he didn't mind). They also hired a professional crew to come in and recreate the Star Wars Cantina - seemed to help all the storm troopers feel right at home. One of the highlights was a somewhat random and serendipitous occurrence... With everyone in full costume and full swing the night of the Browncoat Bash, there happened to be a wedding reception down the hall in one of the other banquet rooms; all ties, updos and fancy dresses. As it turned out, however, the bride and groom were huge Star Wars fans, so they boldly requested that the gaggle of Storm Troopers, Sand People, and even Darth Vader escort them down the aisle. Amazing right? All can say is I wish I could have seen the looks on their grandparents’ faces as they entered the room under the glow of light sabers. I can’t even imagine how awesome that must have been, especially for the bride and groom. Definitely not your typical wedding album. Even though I couldn’t see, the roar and applause echoed down the hall and turned my anticipatory giddiness into the embodiment of: “That was f’ing awesome.” So yeah, that was cool. What was also cool was the enthusiasm of all the people dressed in costumes (I know some of them are not comfortable, but they're a dedicated crew). One guy dressed up as Civil War Royalty held my tea for me while I took pictures, and he held it with such regal authority, I started to feel bad, like he was above such a chore. Luckily there were some lowly deckhands around to ask for future favors :) Anyway, here are some fun photos from the con. I hope more of you can make it out next year. And if you have any more photos, please post ‘em, either here or on my facebook fan page.

check out kitty zombie's site: body of a killer. mind of a puppy. sweetest and most playful zombie you'll ever meet. and the guy inside is just as sweet...

i was admiring some photos i'd seen of his character, a really beautiful photo essay of him with a little girl. so he later presented me with my own print... and even signed it. i just love it. thanks again kitty!

check out Joan Varitek's website, she's super talented. i was lucky enough to get my own print of this one too. thanks Frank!

before I left on Sunday, my dear friend and fellow Sci Fi veteran, Julie Caitlin Brown, ventured into Chicago for a "taste." Literally, we went to this massive event called "the taste of chicago" where local restaurants set up booths and sell you their token dishes. There wasn't a huge selection for me, being vegan, but I managed to find some yummy veggie tacos and watermelon ice. We were melting in the heat, but at least got to see a few sites.

Alright, that's all folks! Have a happy 4th a July!!!

because it's just true

i only picked up this book from the library yesterday (getting books you've put on hold and forgotten about is like christmas!), so i'm not too deep into yet.. still, i can't get this sentiment out of my head. so simple, honest, revealing and true.

“If you can think of times in your life that you’ve treated people with extraordinary decency and love, and pure uninterested concern, just because they were valuable as human beings. The ability to do that with ourselves. To treat ourselves the way we would treat a really good, precious friend. Or a tiny child of ours that we absolutely loved more than life itself. And I think it’s probably possible to achieve that. I think part of the job we’re here for is to learn how to do it. I know that sounds a little pious.”

– David Foster Wallace

if

i came across this little gem of a video the other day and thought i'd share it in honor of dennis hopper's passing and in celebration of kipling's moving and noble ideals...

scents of wisdom

Today I pulled up beside a rumbling semi-truck, my window barely reaching the height of the tires.  The sound was loud, but I wasn’t bothered by it, I was entranced.  When I was a kid, my dad took us on boat trips.  My mom used to say it was the only place he felt at peace, on the ocean’s vast expanse.  We would travel to little islands, spending the night moored at creaking docks, swimming in lakes, and losing fishing weights off the back of the boat – I always wondered where they ended up, the lost and found at the bottom of the sea.  I would sit in the galley playing solitaire, eating cream cheese on wheat thins, or, like any other solitude seeking teenager, reading Carlos Castaneda in my tiny cave of a bedroom.  Or I would be found sitting cross-legged on the bow, navigating our course with my thoughts.  I don’t know what it was like for my dad, reliving his previous life as a sea captain perhaps, but I know that for me, as we became a speck barely visible from shore, I felt freer than I’d ever felt.  I felt connected to the world and connected to myself.  Nothing was impossible and nothing truly mattered, only the wind luring tears down my cheeks and the sun kissing freckles on my nose.  I could almost smell the salty air as I sat in traffic today, inhaling the intoxicating smell of the diesel engine.  My body began to sigh with a tinge of sadness, but I quickly recovered and embraced the memory, recognizing I can feel this way whenever I want.  I took a deep breath.  The freedom is within in me.  Then the light turned green.